So to start, the reason I am writing this to see how I change as a person overtime as well as trying to improve the things that should be better in my life. As I write, I will use profanity and be REAL with myself. I am a High School Head Coach, a Teacher, a Father of a 9 month old little girl, and will be married to my wife 5 years in the upcoming months.
Fatherhood
- Can I tell you that my wife is awesome when it comes to raising our daughter. I really am not around that much, but when I am she is the one who takes care of her. It scares me when I have to take care of her. I have gotten over many fears already though, like changing a poopy diaper, burping her ((knowing that at any moment she might puke it all back up on me)), and playing with her. Don't get me wrong, there is not one person on this planet I love more than my daughter, but taking care of her, at least at this age, drives me crazy. My connection to her is nothing more than her saying "Dada" and me smiling back and trying to talk to her like she can have a conversation with me. I love making her smile and laugh, and know that no matter how my day is going, she always brightens it up. I assume this is how it is for many fathers, and it is definitely a great feeling getting home after work. She is 9 months, but has zero desire to crawl or walk, which drives me nuts when I see kids her age doing both. Maybe it is the competitive spirit in me, but damn princess, just do something! My dad has mentioned probably 5 times, that it is OK (which I am sure it is), and to look at Albert Einstein, because he didn't walk until the age of 2 or something like that. Every time he mentions that, I sit there and think,"Shut up dad! Albert was ugly, short, and kind of a squatty looking fellow" No offense to him, but it's true. I'm hoping she decides she wants to crawl soon, because every time we try tummy time, she goes spread eagle and starts to whine until she rolls herself over.
- I used to say that changing a shit filled diaper would never happen in my life. But thanks to my wife, she basically forced me to do it. Just left one day and said you need to change her. I sat in awe like,"Are you freaking kidding me?" but she is the type who doesn't care. If she tells you to do something, you do it or a lashing from hell will come upon you and rip you limb from limb, metaphorically speaking of course. SHE'S AWESOME!!! I will change any diaper now without any problems, and that is an accomplishment.
- I am a pretty big guy, and fairly strong for my size, and I remember the day my princess was born. I haven't cried in who knows how long, but tears of joy came streaming down my face like the code in The Matrix. She was so beautiful and looked just like daddy out of the womb. All this time I was worried..... OK I wasn't, but she blew me away and I knew my life would never be the same.
Teaching
- My life as a teacher really isn't that interesting. I teach 3 classes a day and deal with 200+ Sophomores who are just getting integrated into high school life. I have a theory that students will learn and retain the things taught in class only if it relates to something they care about, which for them comes down to 4 things: Friends, Phone, Money, Extracurricular Activities. That makes things so difficult to keep their attention during an 80 minute class period. I don't think the next generation will be dumber or less sophisticated, I just think that eventually our lives will be run like the people on the movie WALL-E. We get up in the morning and everything is just done for us. How BORING is that?!?!? It is also tough being a teacher and coach, because of everyone's attempt to sue or threaten because of this or that. Truthfully it is bull shit! I don't think there is one teacher or coach that comes in thinking that I am going to screw over this kid and that kid. These days are kind of frightening as both a teacher and a coach. The question I ask myself often, is what impact will I have on their lives. Negative or Positive, every teacher has some sort of impact.
Coaching
- It is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. I bet I spend more hours on the field as a coach than in the classroom as a teacher. I take care of my own field year round. I have parents calling me bitching me out about how their kid is a star and I don't know what the hell I am doing. I coached my own cousin this year, and he is a great kid who worked hard, but wasn't amazingly talented. I had my uncle tell an assistant we are "Fucking idiots and are clueless" during one of our games. I had one Drunk dad call and complain about how the program is a mess and no one thinks you are any good. I had another father email me saying I was being very inappropriate because I had an on-field meeting with a player who I felt was being a cancer to our team and needed to get his act together. He called it "A meeting between an adult and a minor alone". I spent over 450 hours from January to the middle of May just with baseball. That doesn't include taking the team to a tournament out of state for a week during my spring break. I get one lump sum pay check at the end of every school year for a total of $1,300.00 after taxes........... People wonder why no one wants to coach anymore. I played college ball, and worked my tail off to get there, because I wasn't the most gifted player around. Our team has lacked talent and has still competed with the best our state has to offer, but we just aren't up to par yet.
- I used to hear stories about how my dads coach used to fire baseballs back in the dugout when things were going bad. He would F-Bomb at a kid non-stop if he made a mistake. He taught kids to be tough and strong. My dad says he was a good mentor for their program. If I F-Bombed during practice, I would get called in to the principals office to talk about never doing it again. Is this the coaching I have always wanted to do?
- I really do enjoy coaching though. The kids for the most part are great, and seeing them succeed or seeing a kid get a college opportunity make a lot of the shit we as coaches go through worth while.
The Juggle
- It is tough trying to juggle everything. Most of the time, when I get home from Ball or School I just want to kick my legs up and relax, but there is always something to do.
I should try and write in here at least once a week.
